could life be any normal?

6 months ago..... I was at my wits end and I thought to myself could life be so unfair... I was so miserable. And here I am later with such a better outlook on life. Life couldn't be any normal... Normal is great! I have to pinch myself to see if this is all real? or if I'm dreaming. And if this is a dream, please may I never wake. I know for one thing I will never take life for granted any more. I will pray more and just thank god that this life will last and to thank him for that terrible journey is finally over and no matter what I went through, it has made me more stronger than ever and to not take for granted the things that really matter like having a roof over my head. Adversity and trials are par for the course. Each of us will encounter those places in the journey when it becomes extremely tough. We will be tempted to quit, to give in to the despair and give up. Yes, life is hard… But God is good! All the time. Hold fast to your faith. More importantly, hold fast to Him. The clouds may have grown dark in your life. The wind may be blowing and the rain is pouring down. But I promise you that He will not fail you. More importantly, He promises you that He will not fail you. He is a very present help in your time of trouble. that's how I got through it all... If you have walked the road of life for any length of time, you have encountered your share of bad news, dark days, and tough places in the road. All of us have had to deal with pain at some point (some more than others). The sun doesn’t always shine. The flowers don’t always bloom.

Feeling so?

I look around me and everyone seems non-lonely

Is there even a word?

We'll for me I'm crying 

I'm falling and crumbling apart

I feel oh so alone in this great big huge world around me

I didn't ask to be put here

If I could ask to have a choice

I would choose

Non-existence 

Yes that word 

Makes a lot more sense

To me

I hate this world 

And everything in it

Including me

And I hate this feeling in the pit

Of my stomach

And in my insides

In every inch of me

I feel like

 I'm going to crash

Pills and more pills

Nothing seems to work

It never goes away

It just seems to get worse

I'm so tired

I'm tired of crying 

Will I ever run out of tears?

I hate this illness 

The illness

I guess that's what they say I have

But it seems to be incurable 

In my case

What must everyone think?

When they see me 

Cry

And 

Cry

And

Cry

How pathetic

Is she?

Really?

When will it end

I want it just to end 

What is normal anyway?

Author: unknown?

 

The other night he felt like cutting off his leggs

A friend confessed to me the other night that he felt like cutting off his legs...

I thought what must it feel like to be in that much pain? I mean this person has been going through so much pain ever since he was 27 years old and he's now at the age of 45 that's 17 years of agony! hes been fighting with the state for the last five years for disability to which they keep denying him. I mean really what does it take? does he really have to cut both his legs off? 

he keeps popping those vicodins, next thing you know it will be his liver... but you know those doctors their good in giving em plenty of them pain killers... being doped up all day like a zombie. Now  he's regularly visiting a psychiatrist who has diagnosed him with manic depressant and P.T.S.D. 


So whats your thoughts on the governments ideas on whats really there ideas of a real disability? because honestly I see some pretty healthy people who are claiming there disabled and really there just scamming the system. When we have some real true people like my friend that really need the help. I hope he gets it before he goes to the extreme of cutting his legs off...  
Please share your thoughts if you would...




I will pray for you my sweet friend....

Vanity Fair

Vanity Fair

I finally had a chance to watch Vanity Fair last night, Since we decided to get netflix I have had the oppertunity to enjoy so many great movies that before I never before had the pleasure of viewing. So of course I have to pick my period drama movies first. 
I so enjoyed this movie due to Reese Witherspoon playing in it I don't think she even plays in a movie that I don't like. 
The story line was very interesting though...
Growing up poor in London, Becky Sharp (Witherspoon) defies her poverty-stricken background and ascends the social ladder alongside her best friend, Amelia.

Storyline

William Makepeace Thackeray's witty assessment of the British class system, as seen through the experiences of one young woman, is brought to the screen with some serious star power in this period comedy drama. Becky Sharp (Reese Witherspoon) is a bright and ambitious girl born to a poor British family. Becky is determined to make something of herself however she can, and after accepting a job as a nanny for the children of the powerful and aristocratic Sir Pitt Crawley (Bob Hoskins), she wastes no time ingratiating herself with the family. Pretty Becky catches the eye of Crawley's handsome and eligible son Rawdon (James Purefoy), and becomes chummy with sharp-tongued Aunt Matilda (Eileen Atkins). Between the two of them, Becky is introduced to London's most exclusive social circle, where she becomes re-acquainted with Amelia Sedley (Romola Garai), a former school chum who is amused by Becky's efforts to scale the ladder of social influence. Becky weds Rawdon, but following initial happiness, the social and economic stability she dreamed of begins to collapse when he begins drowning his troubles in gambling and drink, and soon she turns to the powerful Marquess of Steyne (Gabriel Byrne) for support. Meanwhile, Amelia's fortunes fall even harder following the death of her husband. Vanity Fair was directed by Mira Nair, who enjoyed a surprise international success with 2002's Monsoon Wedding. ~ Mark Deming, Rovi

Its like I really wanted to see Reese Witherspoon's role move up the social ladder but the way she went about it was not the best way, it was her downfall especcially when she sent her son away I totally lost all respect for her. 

And then her friend Amelia what a pathetic sight I must admit. In the begining her love for that idiot Captain George Henry Osborne. I mean he was a jerk in the beginning to the end. I mean to fall for your best friends friend that kind of tells you what kind of scum ball he is. Of course Amelia finally finds out in the end. 

Mansfield Park

Jane Austen's  Mansfield Park

For the past couple of nights I've been entertaining myself with watching Jane Austen's Mansfield Park. 

I must admit it was quite good and made me want to be like Fannie Price even though in this time in age who could? unless your of an angelic creature. And to think of one so good hearted and enduring. I definatelly had to look up this certain word I always question myself from time to time when I do not use a certain word often. And I found this :en·dur·ing 

adj.

1. Lasting; continuing; durable: a novel of enduring interest.

2. Long-suffering; patient.

I found this definition of Fanny to be her.
 Poor dear sweet Fannie she really did endure...
And like they say good things happen to those who wait.
I am so happy she did not fall for the fake play that Henry Crawford tried. 
And I just love that about Fanny that she may come off passive and you would think gullible but she stood by her instincts and heart and the outcome was what prevailed. And lets not forget Henry, he gave in to his lust and went off with Maria.
So lets see... 
you then have Maria, the daughter of Sir Thomas Bertram. 
What a piece of work right? She has a perfectly great husband yes I know he's not the handsomest but by god you know he's trust worthy and loves her. Which makes makes him beautiful. 
So typical of Maria to run off with Mr.Crawford, you ask me they deserve each other.
 So they're both ruined at the end for their selfishness and lust to which we all know doesn't last.
Then you have...
  Edmund Bertram. The Bertrams' younger son. He will become a clergyman.The only one of the Bertrams' children with a good head and a good heart, Edmund is Fanny's closest companion.
Then Edmund blindly falls in love with shallow Mary which almost becomes the fall of him.

Then of course there is Mary Crawford...
 She is beautiful and charming, but also shallow and evil. She becomes friends with a reluctant Fanny, while Edmund falls in love with and nearly proposes to her.
 Then of course there's 
Henry Craford...
  -  Mary's brother. He is equally charming and possibly even more amoral, and he possesses a sizeable estate. First Maria and Julia fall in love with him, and he takes to Maria, despite her engagement. When Maria marries and the sisters leave Mansfield, he falls for Fanny and proposes to her. Everyone is convinced he is a changed man.
To we know the answer to that one...

I really found this Movie to be very well made and I thank my dear Jane Austen for another huge sucess. I almost to want to compare this to A Jane eyre but I cannot quite do this you see only in the same as maybe the role of Jane eyre to Fanny they both attain the some what same characteristics.
This one film was filmed in 1983 
And I've noticed that it had been remade several times. I really do look forward to seing the more modern versions, anything Jane Austen really I just adore and will definatelly occupy my time viewing and will be content. 

Miss Austen Regrets

There is a Jane Austen movie called Miss Austen regrets and it was just amazing! Even if you are not  a Jane Austen fan I think this movie is for anyone.
It makes you feel like you need to appreciate youth while you have it. And also that you really don't have to be married to be happy. Especially when back in the 1800's it was destiny that every girl would  look forward to meet a boy then marry and have children. But not for Jane Austen her destiny was to be the best Author and become rich for it. There was no way she was going to let a man dictate her future.

The ending of this movie was so sad but well written.

“Single women have a dreadful propensity for being poor...which is one very strong argument in favour of matrimony...
Quote from a Jane Austen Letter 13 March, 1817”

Here is the youtube fan trailer...

Jane Austen Persuasion....

“I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight years and a half ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant. You alone have brought me to Bath. For you alone, I think and plan. Have you not seen this? Can you fail to have understood my wishes? I had not waited even these ten days, could I have read your feelings, as I think you must have penetrated mine. I can hardly write. I am every instant hearing something which overpowers me. You sink your voice, but I can distinguish the tones of that voice when they would be lost on others. Too good, too excellent creature! You do us justice, indeed. You do believe that there is true attachment and constancy among men. Believe it to be most fervent, most undeviating, in F. W.

I must go, uncertain of my fate; but I shall return hither, or follow your party, as soon as possible. A word, a look, will be enough to decide whether I enter your father's house this evening or never.”
― Jane Austen, Persuasion




Why cannot love exists

Only truly in Jane Austin's world

To know

To feel

Love like Persuasion


This movie moved me so to want and desire to be transported back in time when pure love actually existed and lasted for eternity....

Oh the persuasion of it all....











- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad